Ladies, have you gone to a Bible study lately? Let me guess... A study on motherhood? A study on what it is to be a good wife? Maybe a study on joy? Peace in a rushed life?
When was the last time you sat around the table or in a coffee shop or on the phone and had a true discussion on Christianity, the Word, the power of God with another woman? Not a pastor. Not your husband. Not your dad. Another woman.
See, I've been struggling with this lately. I dont know if its a soon-to-be-30 thing or what but I've really been looking at who I am and why I've become this person. I find myself lately struggling spiritually and not having an outlet to share. I'm not having a crisis of faith but rather a growth spurt of faith but I find myself limited as a woman to this false belief that Christian Women aren't interested in the down and dirty truths of scripture. Instead we're limited to exploring ourselves as Christ created us femininely. I've been invited or shared in studies studying what are supposedly five aspects of women (really? just five?), studies on what it means to be a faith-filled mother and a really bad study on what it is to be a faith-filled wife (it involved carrying a notepad around and writing down all the things my husband had to say. Ha!) But when I lately attempted to explore the concept of Holy Spirit power with a group of girlfriends I was given a blank look and a conversation change.
It extends into ministry as well. I've been involved in a fairly large ministry geared toward women and let me tell you that the time spent making things pretty (or thinking about making things pretty or shopping to make things pretty) far exceeds the time spent on thinking about what it means to be Christ-like and share Christ in a life-changing way.
I don't want to grow jaded but I'm beginning to wonder if the women in my life care. Has Christianity become just another thing to wear? A label to stick on ourselves? Or does it have a life-changing power that is evident in all things? Do women just not want to talk about scripture or challenge the way we do life? Or do they not know how?
I find that as women we're in a tricky spot as well. Since I don't have girlfriends to talk about these things with, it means I am left to discuss them with men. And I can only go so deep with another gal's husband or boyfriend. As I told Jon yesterday, its not like I can ask Jack Doe to go out to coffee with me so we can read through the book of Acts together. You all know it just doesn't work that way.
So instead I hold the three (yes, only three!) women in my life who I feel I can really be open and honest with close to my heart. But what's holding the others back? Is it feeling that you don't know scripture well? Is it feeling uncertain of your faith? Is it a feeling that someone else can say it better than you? The Word is powerful stuff but only if we're speaking it! A God-changed life is amazing but only if we're living it! And we can only grow if we're reading it, talking it and praying it. Clearly, I would love to do all three with you.
15 years ago
6 comments:
Wow! Sounds so familiar, Sara. I just joined a womens' study at our church here, and while I'm greatful that there IS one, it's totally what you describe as "pretty" but shallow substance. Community Bible Study was the only study I've run into that gets much depth, and we don't have it out here.
As for WHY women don't discuss deeper issues as much ... it's hard to say. Some of it must be that they are busy and may not be spending time in the word like they should. I know I've not been as good as I should lately!
It may also be that they are out of practice in thinking about it. It takes energy to wonder, and then wrestle with an issue till it's resolved. Add in pregnancy-brain and a zillion interruptions which make it even tougher.
But I agree. The amount of fluff that women settle for is embarrassing. I love where I am in life with our five, but the "be nice, be good" studies simply don't give me the tools to handle the struggles. God gave us SCRIPTURE, not a six-week illustrated study.
Thanks for the vent session! :)
-Faith
Yes, yes. I can think of a gazillion reasons as well but find myself thinking how shortchanged we are in our faith.
I'm not about to profess a complete understanding of scripture nor am I going to say that I am spending nearly enough time in the word BUT I think we all have the ability to discuss our faith, faith struggles and the things God is doing in our lives on a day to day basis. I know I am surrounded by intelligent women who I'm confident have a fair amount to say should they just feel able to share it.
And yes, CBS was the first real study I did as well. I think it was part of what opened my eyes to how shallow many other attempts at study are. I find many women use studies as their social outlet rather than an opportunity to learn. Probably viewed best by the whispered, "Oh, I didnt complete this week's questions so you'll have to skip me" that is circled 'round the table. Sigh.
We have such power in our positions in life right now: wife, mother, sister, friend. Influencing so many lives. How much more we could be influencing one another for Christ!
Oh, and thanks for letting me vent as well! I was so nervous to put this up there but then figured, well, its *my* blog! Ha!
Alright my little blog queen of late, tell us how you really feel! :) Just kidding. I'm concocting a more extensive and less public response that you will receive later, but let's chat publically for a minute.
I completely agree (for the most part-ha!) that women tend to shy away from deep spiritual thoughts, even practices (extended prayer, fasting, intense Bible study, etc.), however I don't know that men are that different. A few years ago I did an amazing study with some women based upon Kay Arthur's "As Silver Refined"-not focused on our roles as wives or mothers, but on God's purifying process and the pain that often accompanies- fabulous study! The men's group where Chris was met mostly to play x-box. Hmm.. Sadly I think that if that group had had the fire and depth ours had had, Chris might be more interested in joining another men's study. I at least know that there is a chance.
So, in a nutshell, my answer is priorities? We don't put God first in our lives so we don't put Him first in our conversations, in our thoughts, in our budget, in our house, in our schedule. (Please don't think I'm preaching from a point of having attained perfection in this area, but from a place of lamenting my own shortcomings). I understand that our days ARE busy! We balance SO much-probably more than we should, but balancing life requires, well, balance, equilibrium. How can we balance this world without Jesus holding the scale steady on the other side?
Also, I think we also mistake Biblical knowledge with holiness. (Well, and maybe it is...in that as we study Scripture we should naturally turn more towards Christ) But what I mean is that women, well people really, think that those with lots of Biblical knowledge are "holier" than the rest of us Christians (thinking of pastors here mostly) and so we are afraid to speak on topics such as sin, purity, power, holiness, and well, Jesus, as we are afraid that our LACK of purity, power, holiness and Jesus will be exposed. We are not comfortable speaking about our faith in the baby stages because we are not moving forward...but then we aren't moving forward because we aren't talking! I'm starting to believe heavily in mentoring...older women mentoring younger women and younger women mentoring teens, etc. Let's get real with one another, use the Word to teach eachother and have examples of godly women so we can SEE God's power evident in the woman before us!
Soooo, after all my ranting, I do have to say that I see many women around me who don't fit the "fluff" mold. I'm completely blessed by the women at my church (and you too darling), and while they don't always take my baited esoteric theological questions (What? You think dinosaurs actually walked the earth?) they are more than willing (most of them) to talk and pray over daily struggles and faith questions. Maybe the deepest questions are still left for studies and sermons, but I guess I'm just saying that we must not give up!
"Streams of tears flow from my eyes because of the destruction of my people! My tears flow down endlessly. They will not stop until the Lord looks down from heaven and sees. My heart is breaking over the fate of all the women of Jerusalem."
Lamentations 3:48-51 (NLT)
-T
Well I definitely know I am not in your top three-No offense taken. But I am here if you ever need to talk or vent. You're still the outspoken Sara I remember. But that's what make your voice so powerful and heard. I used to think you enjoyed hanging out more with Brett because he would throw you curve balls back. You both have a similar personality. And that brings me to my point. Brett is clearly more outspoken than me, and isn't afraid to stand up for what he believes in. I am a little more timid. Afraid of talking in front of large groups and looking stupid. I also feel like I don't have as much biblical knowledge as Brett. And that's because of the way we were brought up. Bible Studies were done daily in Brett's house growing up. In mine, none. Never read the Bible. And yet we considered ourselves Christians because we went to church. Also, in the church I was raised in, woman were told to be quiet. We weren't aloud the pray in front of others, only men could. So I was raised and taught to have no voice about my beliefs. So it has carried through with me till this day. I still get nervous praying in front of others. But that's just me. I only became a Christian 7 years ago and I feel like every year I am learning more and that I will continue to grow the rest of my life. You have to work at your relationship with Jesus, just like any other relationship. And with time I will gain more biblical knowledge and will feel better about speaking about it. But most of the time I don't feel like I belong in a "DEEP" theological conversation. The type of conversations, Sara, you are craving from other women. I do agree that woman need to come out of the shadows and be a voice. I guess it's just not in our nature. I also think the world interferes a lot with our priorities. Where is God and our relationship in our priorities. Our children and husband can take up so much of our time. And really who deserves it more? God, I know. But does that stop Satan from tormenting me and telling me I'm not too busy. Of course. So I agree, our priorities need to be right. And I guess someone like me needs to be more outspoken, and I can pray for that. You can pray that for me to become one of those WOMAN you wish I could be.
Star, thanks for sharing! I dearly love all the women in my life, including you. And tell Brett I like you more than him. HA! :) And I have always been so encouraged by your strong faithfulness to God. You have walked through some amazing things and I've always admired how *strong* your faith is.
Yes, you're right, as Jon reminded me last night, that personalities are different. I suppose I need to be reminded of that often. And experiences are so different as well.
Hmmmm. So, I wonder how I can encourage the women around me (myself included) to explore this part of themselves spiritually and "train" in a way just like we would train our bodies to learn (or re-learn) something like this. Food for thought.
I'm so glad I took a chance in writing this. I didn't mean to offend, hopefully I haven't, but just to explore out loud something I'm thinking about so often. All three of you (Faith, Tanya, Star) have brought up such good points for me to think about.
I mentioned something to Tanya in an email but I wonder if some of it is biblical example. There aren't many women to draw from in scripture, especially NT. Lydia in Acts is probably one of the more outspoken and active ones but you just don't see too many examples, especially in the early church.
Star and Tanya, good points as well about it not being exclusive to women. I suppose I'm a bit jealous as of late that men are approached differently than women. They meet up for prayer breakfasts, are "discipled", have men's studies that are generally not touchy-feely. Its just a different approach.
Well, two out of three of my priorites are calling so I have to run. I'll continue to think on this some more. I love you girls.
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