Positive Ponderings--Part 1

So I am re-reading "Positive Discipline A-Z" by Dr. Jane Nelsen. This is one of my all time favorite books as it gives a concise overview of positive discipline and helpful steps for addressing specific behaviors. The latter is something missing out of a lot of parenting books. There are 27 steps laid out in Positive Discipline. I thought I'd add this section to the blog as I work through these things and read through the book again. This book and concepts are similar to what I taught in the parenting classes at the YWCA. I would love to hear people comment and perhaps try to implement these things into their homes!

One of the things I love about this book is that it meshes well with a study on discipline I did in scripture. I was growing frustrated at the general idea that somehow spanking is a God-mandated thing for our homes and decided to head to the source myself. Well in my review of scripture I not only found that the spanking conclusion is shaky but I found a fresh perspective on discipline itself. Jane Nelson describes positive discipline as: instructing, educating, preparing, training, regulating, skill building, focusing on solutions, constructive, encouraging, affirming, helpful, loving, optimistic and is focused on mutually respectful relationships. WOW! What a positive perspective, hence the title "Positive Discipline".

The first tool of 27 is:

"Be Kind and Firm"
As Dr. Nelsen points out, parent are often either too controlling or milquetoast or some combination of the two. Instead we should be practicing firmness coupled with kindness. Dr. Nelsen states that being the boss or milquetoast involves the parent reacting instead of being proactive. Waiting until something happens and responding to it in the moment. (Ok all guilty parties raise your hand!) Essentially kind and firm parents would observe before acting, show their children what to do, look for solutions instead of blame and realize the only person they can change is THEMSELVES! Kind and firm parents also let go of the guilt and worry and allow their kids to make mistakes and learn from them.

So one of the biggest things I got out of this relates to one of my biggest frustrations with parenting: I can only control myself. I spend a lot of my time growing frustrated that they just aren't getting it. Don't we all do this? Maybe its a friend, a co-worker, a child. We love to try to change people! Understanding that my child is their own little person whom I cannot control, only guide and teach, releases me of a lot of guilt and anger. I shouldn't bend over (remember kind and FIRM!) but I can let go of the need to control and force them into the child I want them to be. Wow is this ever key when you have a strong-willed child.

So anyone want to add anything? Do you find yourself being more controlling or milquetoast? Maybe a combination? Maybe your parenting is a combination?

News Flash!

Eli started waving this week and making an attempt at saying hi. He even blew kisses! It comes out more as "huh" than anything but I pretty much say that counts as his first word aside from Da-da.

He's brilliant, just like the other two. *wink*

Use your words

Ava is fully five. I had someone recommend to me a book titled, "Your Five Year Old: Sunny and Serene". I don't know if she was serious or joking but clearly she never met our five year old. We've been struggling with Ava watching her tone and her words with us. We had a period of time where she would get so angry and yell at us the largest of insults in her five year old world: "You're a little....BABY!" Her and I had a talk about it and about showing respect to her father and I. The very next time she grew angry I waited for the infamous "baby" insult and instead I saw her little mind working overtime as she attempted to use her words and come up with a more appropriate way to express her feelings. This is what came out:

"You're a .... MRS. MOMMY!"

Oh man! I was trying so hard to keep my laughter in. I didn't want to hurt the poor dear's feelings nor do I really want to encourage these types of outbursts from happening more often than they already are. Mrs. Mommy? Well it was certainly respectful of her elders...and she did use my correct title for our home...I let it go. She's trying and she's thinking about her words first which is all I can really ask of her. Baby steps.

Now, Mrs. Mommy is off to wait for the sun and serenity. Maybe it will peek out before she turns six.

Thursday Thoughts

First, does anyone have a better source for blogger layouts? This one drives me absolutely crazy because everything is in one straight column. I'd like it to take up more of the page width. Its just I'm kind of obsessive about symmetry and my page is anything but symmetrical.

Well, I was talking to my friend Tanya last night and she mentioned homeschooling and our cousin, Faith, and her blog. I realized that I've mentioned we're homeschooling but haven't really shared what we're doing aside from our part-time co-op program. So for fellow home-schoolers, future home-schoolers or people who are just curious over whether my kids are going to learn anything, here is what we're doing.

We're using Spell to Write and Read by Wanda Sanseri as our spelling program. This is so far an amazing program but very in depth. The teacher manual itself is a read and a half. For penmanship we're using Cursive First. Ava can already print most of her letters but we're taking a cursive approach which I believe will really help her with her fluidity. She struggles a bit with the stop and start of printing so I think cursive will provide an ease of directionality and a soft fluidity which should really help. Lastly, we are using Math U See Primer for her math work. This is the program I needed. Everything is so visual and we are basically starting out with teaching her that the numbers are 0-9, not 1-10. My engineer husband said, "Yeah. Of course!" and I looked at him and said, "Well *I* was never taught that way!" So we are learning as we go that we both bring very different experiences to the educational table in our home.

Everything else is a bit of a hodge-podge. We're taking a classical approach with some Charlotte Mason influences (how's that for home education speak?) which basically means our kids will be geniuses. Ha! Really, I've read some great books and really feel that this combination provides the kids a fabulous educational foundation and hopefully will establish in these early years a love for learning.

Saying Goodbye

My brother Andrew left for his pre-deployment training prior to deploying out to Iraq. We got together as a family to say goodbye and these are some pictures we got of him and his fiancee and all the kiddos. I've started a second blog to follow his journey and keep everyone up to date. It is sisterofasoldier.blogspot.com Also, if you're interested in getting his address to send him cards or encouragement to him or his unit, drop me a comment and I'll email you privately. We're really going to miss him and pray safety and strength.

Friends and Fondue

Jon took me out for my 30th birthday with our dear friends Walter and Aletha to La Fondue in Saratoga. We've made this a tradition to skip the gifts and take one another out on all our birthdays. We enjoyed some good food and good times as fondue takes FOREVER. This time we skipped the bottles of wine since we discovered last birthday that two bottles of wine between four people equals a whole lot of lightheadedness and a very long birthday dinner. Ha! Just thought I'd throw some adult moments in so I can remind myself that we're not only mom and dad but we're husband and wife and have a life full of good friends.

Ava's first day of kindergarten

Ava celebrated her first day of school today. While we are homeschooling, we are doing a homeschool hybrid of sorts. She'll go to school two days a week and I'll carry her studies at home the other three days. She had a great time today and her only complaint was that they didn't do science. There are six kids total: 3 girls, 3 boys. Her favorite part of the day was recess. Ha! It doesn't matter if you're homeschooled or public-schooled, every kid loves recess!