Postive Ponderings--Part 2

Tool #2
Decide what you'll do and do it.

Ah, yes. The infamous "mean what you say and say what you mean". I struggle with this one. I've really tried to focus on what I'm promising is going to happen, good and bad. I've been caught a few times saying things like, "If you don't stop right now you won't get to go to the birthday party!" Really? I'm going to skip a fun time with adults and kids alike because they wouldn't follow through? So I'm getting better about that and creating consequences that I am willing to actually follow through with myself.

This also applies in a positive sense. We use potty rewards, Jelly Belly jelly beans actually. Its so easy for me to postpone the jelly bean distribution but when the kids see that I don't follow through in a positive sense they are more likely to assume I won't follow through in an authoritative sense as well.

This rule also relates to the "mutually respectful relationships" concept Dr. Nelsen speaks of. Its not respectful to promise something (postive or negative) and not follow through. The potential is there for the child to learn that you cannot be relied upon and that your words don't match up with your actions. Children thrive with boundaries and security and what can be more secure than people who follow through?